Help
by Crystabel.Shalott
Summary: Annie tries to help Finnick after he comes back from the 72nd Hunger Games, completely devastated because of what happened in the Capitol with his clients.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own 'The Hunger Games', they belong to Suzanne Collins.

There is a place, on the shore, I discovered when I was about ten years old. It's isolated and through the years it has become my personal spot. It is my personal place refuge, where I could escape the world, escape the people who called me 'Crazy Cresta' or 'Awkward Annie' after I won the games, and a place where I tried to escape my worst memories. And it's this place that comes to my mind when Finnick comes back from the seventy-second annual Hunger Games.

Something happened in those weeks.

I know what always happens but there is something different this time: it worse and it's eating Finnick away. He looks consumed and he is distancing himself from me, which is one of the things that hurt me most because I want to help him. I want him to stop taking long showers scrubbing his skin away. I want him to stop having nightmares and not telling me what is going on. But I don't know how to do it and that is another great problem.

How do you help a person who stopped talking and isolated himself in a kingdom of despair and self-blame?

He doesn't even listen to me: he just walks away when I try to ask him what is wrong.

Staying silent doesn't help either because he doesn't start a conversation deliberately.

So here he is again Finnick bottling up all his pain, being to stubborn to ask for help or just to share the pain.

This hurts him and it hurts me.

It consumes him and me.

We help each other, that's what we usually do. But now it has become impossible and I am running short of ideas. I am angry too, it's unfair but I can't help it. During the worst period of recover (but even now), when I would just disappear with my mind because I had a flashback or when I started screaming because of nightmares, Finnick always asked me what the problem was and then he tried to solve it with me. And I always told him because I saw how much it hurt him too see me like that. I accepted his help and through the days we found ways to reduce the flashbacks and the nightmares and the black outs. We did it together.

But when it comes down to him he is always convinced that he can do it alone.

"Finnick?" I ask hesitantly.

"Yes?"

"Can I show you something?"

He sighs but then grabs the hand I have stretched towards him and once I have hold of it, I hold it as tight as possible. I am not letting him go. I refuse to let go because if I did, he could change his mind and walk away.

It doesn't take much to reach the spot: it's a small place in between some rocks, facing the ocean. Finnick stands there bewildered for a while, not sure what to say or what to do next. He is surely wondering what we are doing here, I never told him of this place.

"This is my place of refuge. I can let out everything that hurts me the most and it remains here. I say it out loud and the ocean washes it away, and it may sound stupid but it works"

"Annie nothing.."

"Finn there is something and please let me help you in some way: please tell me what happened."

Silence falls between us again, but I don't give up and Finnick does neither because despite his silence he still is there. I sit down and force him to do the same. Once he sit down I let go of his hands. He passes them through his bronzed curls and when he brings them down to lean on his lap, I notice they are shaking.

"Annie I don't want to tell you what happened. I can't talk about it, it is too much"

"Just tell me how you feel. Finnick I want to help you, I really want to. Because this thing is breaking us both"

He breathes sharply and I can imagine his inner struggle as he tries to find the right words to say.

"It's just… I feel dirty and I am going crazy. The memories they all come back with such a violence, in such a detailed way that I can't get rid of them. And nothing helps not the showers, not the isolation not the distractions. I can't do this anymore Annie. I can't do this to me and to you. I am losing myself respect and I feel like this is ruining me. I can't even recognize Finnick Odair, the real Finnick Odair, anymore. I look in the mirror everyday and all I see is just the Capitol's pet. I am their pet and nothing more. I am unworthy. I can't see anything else except what they turned me into"

His voice breaks down and the last part of this sentence is nothing more than a whisper. There are tears in the corner of his eyes and he is trying to blink them away without being to able to do so. For in fact a few minutes later they come down, silently falling down.

How could he think something like this? I take his hand in mine and pressing it on my lips. He is tempted to retire it but I don't let him do that. I will not let him go. I close my hands around his.

"Finnick look at me"

He turns his head towards me

"You are not dirty, you are beautiful inside out. And when I look at you I see the real Finnick. The Finnick that helped me out of my problems so many times that I have lost the count, the Finnick that is so affectionate to Mags that he always brings her flowers or a piece of poetry when he goes to her, the Finnick that always makes me laugh when I am sad. The Finnick I love is the same Finnick that is sitting right here beside me. The Finnick I described is the same that is sitting beside me. So no, you are not dirty you are one of the best persons I know. You are the best person I know, and you have to stop doing this to yourself" I pause a moment to look at his reaction, I was so lost inside my attempt to comfort him, to find a way to let my thought out that I completely forgot to see if I was doing good, if it is actually working.

And much to my surprise it is. Not fast but slowly: his shoulders aren't so tensed now and the tears are stopping to come down.

"Once, a wonderful person suggested me to see myself as he saw me. You should do the same you know"

"I know, but it's difficult. Damn! It's more than difficult"

And I know that, because when people say something over and over again about you after a while you start to believe it. Finnick has been treated like an object for years now, everybody thinks he is just the Capitol's darling. But he isn't, he never was. It is something that was forced upon him and that image, the image the country has of Finnick isn't him.

"I know. But trust me if you will do you'll feel better. And if you doubt about yourself ask me or Mags, it is not a problem to remind you how beautiful you truly are. Because you are, and there aren't enough words to tell you all the reasons why"

Finnick frees his hand from mine and then pulls me closer to him, I lean my head on his shoulder and he strokes my hair gently. He gives me a quick kiss on the top of the head and then he whispers

"Thank you"

"You are welcome"

And then we just sit there the rest of the time, taking comfort from each other and looking at the vastness of the ocean.


End file.
